we finally posted our pregnancy announcement on my facebook. it was a lot harder to write than it should have been, and that sucks. i probably wrote and deleted five messages before settling on:
the reality is, up until we got those test results, it didn't feel like anything. there was probably more dread at what could go wrong, than there had been joy about this life that we've created. but when Lynda called me that the test results came back looking good, i finally felt like i could be happy about this baby. i was so excited that i probably started at my screen for 20 minutes before i remembered how to do anything.
there's still moments where i'm terrified. we've already had the rug yanked out from under us before. such a tiny, tiny percentage of a chance that something could have been wrong, but there it was. and that percentage no longer has any meaning to you once your baby is the 1 in 2,500, or 1 in 6,000. but, now that we're past that first hurdle, there's just a little more time in between those dark moments of terror. i want to be excited, and i am, but it's just such an awful pendulum swinging back and forth. each step seems to tip the axle just a little further on to the side, and hopefully, eventually, it'll stop swinging altogether.
I should probably add something here.